Word on the street has it that Donald J. Trump is building a list of potential next gigs if “They steal the election from me by actually permitting eligible voters to cast ballots “. Sources suggest that DJT and Mitch McConnell have been working on plans to prevent voting like this, but decided on a Plan C. McConnell wanted a Plan B, but DJT had some trouble recalling the actual order of the letters since he doesn’t watch ABC TV.
Here are some potential gigs on the list:
Inventing a board game called “Stiff Your Bankers”. It’s like Monopoly but you don’t actually need money to buy the properties. You get mortgages backed by worthless collateral and then default. You are allowed to collect rent on the properties and you keep the money in a secret account at Deutsche Bank. If you actually pay any income tax, you’re eliminated from the game.
Hosting a reality TV show called “Stiff Your Bankers”. It’s just like the board game, but DJT gets to change the rules in real time to protect his lead. Anyone who objects is removed from the game. Does this remind you of all of his advisors, cabinet officials, and anyone in the government he can fire for being disloyal? Wait a second, isn’t running a reality show his current gig?
Starting a daily news show called “Fake News”. Rumors have it that writers from Jimmy Kimmel, Seth Meyers, Stephen Colbert and others have been offered jobs but all laughed uproariously at the idea. When DJT was asked about this, he declared that all the writers were begging him for jobs and anything else was “Fake News.” He said the same thing when told that the Earth revolves around the Sun and not around him.
Taking a year long vow of silence at a Buddhist monastery in Tibet. Trump will be allowed liberal use of Twitter but will be limited to words of one syllable. When he achieves a higher Zen-like state, he will be allowed to speak, but only words of no syllables.
Designing the new Trump Memorial on the National Mall. Usually, memorials come after a person’s death, but DJT is SO BIG a figure, arguably the Greatest POTUS since Millard Fillmore. The Trump Memorial will require the demolition of the Lincoln, Jefferson, Washington, FDR, and MLK Memorials as well as the WW2, and Korean War Memorials and any other piddling objects that interfere with the Trump Memorial. It needs to be this big to accommodate the crowds that will be flocking to it daily to pay homage to the Greatest POTUS of All Time.
THIS JUST IN! DJT is considering becoming Emperor for Life. Under some interpretations, the POTUS can dissolve Congress and the Supreme Court in times of national emergency. DJT will then declare himself Emperor for Life because “Then, I have an Article II, where I have to the right to do whatever I want as president,” he said.” If the job becomes hereditary, you can only imagine the infighting between Ivanka, Don Jr. and Eric for who comes next. It’s the stuff of Shakespeare’s Richard III and King John.
We’re awaiting word from our sources on other potential gigs.
