Here at the Bozosphere, we’re all about helping our readers, few that they may be. So we have some great new ideas for social distancing tools which are going to keep you safe and flatten the curve.
Eat lots of pickled herring. It’s delicious, full of Omega fatty acids, and will make your friends call you “Whale Breath”. While whales are fabulous animals and very social, you don’t see them very close to one another. Why is that? Their breath stinks from eating all those herrings.
Use our Bozosphere Garlic Scented Cologne. Garlic is a very healthy food. Don’t take our word for it, see what this leading health website has to say. Our Garlic Scented Cologne uses an especially potent strain. No one will want to come within 6 feet of users of this product. As the Boslovians say, “A day without garlic is like a meal without pickled herring.”
Mumble inane things loud enough for others to hear. Usual mumbling requires more close range listening. We’re suggesting a volume loud so others can clearly hear. Here are some topics you might consider: Warnings about the World Coming to An End, things your dog told you, and what you learn when speaking with the dead. Changing volume, accents, and language in every sentence enhances perceived inanity.
Hold a 12 foot board or dowel on your shoulders, centered over your spine. If you can add flashing lights, so much the better. You can also hang warning signs on the board.
There are many others, but this should get you started.
