So You Wanna Be a Stoic? — First draft. Work in Progress

Act 1, Scene 1

The action takes place in The Think Shop, a modern hip store in a major city’s major shopping street, the kind of store that would be near an Apple Store, trendy clothing stores, expensive hair salons, microbreweries, overpriced coffee, etc. 

Characters: 

Aristotle Mill Kant, a salesman for the Think Shop, formerly a used car salesman

Lee,  a customer who has just walked in, can be male or female

Ari: Hello, there.  Welcome to The Think Shop.  How are things?

Lee:  Things?  What exactly are things?  Do they need to be material objects?  Are abstract thought things?  Are mathematical objects things?  But, time later for the big questions.  Let’s start with something simpler.   I was wondering  about  what you have in the way of an older philosophy, say something Greek or Latin?

Ari:  I’m sure we can help you.  My name is Ari.  What’s yours?

Lee:  What’s in a name?  How does that relate to who I actually am?

Ari:  Well, I can see you’re a sophisticated customer and can discern the particulars.  I think you might find some Aristotle to your liking.

Lee:  I’m not all that keen on a virtue ethics approach, not my scene, too personal.  Got anything else?

Ari:  Well, we just got a little Epicurus in from an older customer who only practiced Stoicism on Sundays. 

Lee: Nah, a little too self-centered for me.  I know we all ought to cultivate friendship, the arts, and all that.  But I gotta ask, “How does that help you when times get tough?” You know, kinda like a really low gear on your carbon fiber mountain bike.

Ari: (to himself) This is a tough nut to crack.  How am I going to sell some ideology here?  If I don’t meet my monthly quota, they’re going to have me back trying to hawk used Utilitarian stuff.

Ari: Well, I think we have just the thing for you.  We’re running an end of the month special on Stoicism.  And have we got deals and selections for you!   Why don’t you come out to the porch?  It’s so appropriate for test driving the various schools.

Lee:  Yeah, that sounds right.  Lifestyle Reports just rated Stoicism really highly. 

They walk from the storefront onto the stoa (porch) and see signs like:  “Off the Epicureans!”  and “Stoics Rules! Epicurean Fools!”

Ari: We have three favorites here that bear examination:   The Epictetus, the Seneca and the Marcus Aurelius, which comes in a special Emperor model.

Lee: I’ve heard about the Epictetus.  It appeals to the manly man in me.  Gimme the skinny on it.

Ari: He’s best known for the Enchiridion, which …

Lee: Stop. That’s the name of my high school yearbook. Who wants to be reminded of those years? How about the Marcus Aurelius?  Is the Emperor model all that more coherent than his other stuff?

Ari: It’s all coherent. The dude was a general. He wasn’t one of those guys who used Greek and Latin words. Or maybe he did, I can’t recall. Oh yeah, you wanted a Greek or Roman thing.

Lee: And how about the Seneca? It seems to be really cool and happening at the moment amongst the Silicon Valley hipsters.

Ari: Yep, he’s so hip. Did you know they named an Indian tribe after him? Oops, I meant a Native American tribe.