Our sources, who wish to remain anonymous (perhaps because they don’t exist, but that should not detract from a good story), are revealing the startling process that Fox News is interviewing candidates for Tucker Carlson’s replacement.
Apparently, Fox News is demanding that all candidates submit to a truth detector test. Applicants for government positions that require a very deep security clearance take a lie detector test to see if they are lying about episodes in their past. Our whiz bang technical team at Bozosphere Labs has acquired one of the Fox News truth detector machines and has discovered that it is a lie detector machine with the addition of a few flux capacitors, anti-matter diodes, and current reversal switches.
Candidates for all host positions at Fox, including current employees, will undergo truth detector testing. If it’s discovered that they are capable of telling the truth about anything other than their names and favorite ice cream flavors, they will not be eligible for host positions. As one unnamed source told us, “We make a lot of money with people like Tucker Carlson, Dana Perino, Jeanine Pirro, Ann Coulter, and Sean Hannity. They rarely tell the truth about important political matters, so we’re going with a horse that’s winning!”
When asked who they were interviewing for Carlson’s position, our sources were very coy, but one suggested that George Santos would be an ideal candidate. Given his history, Santos would be exempted from the truth detector test as would Donald Trump, should he be interested in a “reality” show.