Ruth Bader Ginsburg may have said it very well in her dissent — http://www.motherjones.com/politics/2014/06/best-lines-hobby-lobby-decision — but now with the Supremes weighing in on the Hobby Lobby decision, I want to make clear that employees of any organization run by member of the Church of Biggie M will likely have some restrictions on their health care policy and other aspects of their working conditions.
- We don’t believe in vaccinations. If Biggie M didn’t want us to get smallpox, he would have eradicated it years ago.
- We don’t believe in blood transfusions. Who knows what undetectable stuff is in there? Platelets? Ugh.
- We don’t believe in preventive medicine. It’s Biggie M’s will? Who are we to interfere?
- We don’t believe in any form of mental health intervention. They’re call “shrinks” for a reason. They shrink your head. How can that be good?
- We don’t believe in vitamins. If they’re so good for you, how come we never hear of any with letters after K? And why no vitamin F?
- We don’t believe in transplants of any form. Worms can regenerate parts as can salamanders and newts. So can you if you really try. The trouble with people today is that they’ve become lazy and expect the state to supply body parts for them. Biggie M would never countenance this practice.
- We don’t believe in sick days. Kids used to get prizes for perfect attendance in school. Of course they brought in communicable diseases to others, often with very unpleasant consequences, but diseases are part of nature. We all like nature.
- We don’t believe in a day off each week. Biggie M works 7 by 24 and so should you. And different groups celebrate the Sabbath on different days. If there was one day which was really the Sabbath, don’t you think Biggie M would know and have made it clear to all of us?
- We don’t believe in child labor laws. In modern society, the family has become a consumptive unit, rather than a productive one. What builds strong families is quality time together, mostly at work.
We’re sure there are others, but in the interests of getting you and your kids back to work, we won’t take any more of your time right not. We’ll let you know on the fly what they are.