If you’ve been reading your Scientific American in the past 40+ years, you’re probably familiar with the Grand Unified Theory (GUT), a model that tries to integrate the forces that shape our universe, electromagnetic, strong, and weak forces. You can throw in gravity and get the Theory of Everything.
We here at the Bozosphere are trying to create a model to integrate all of Donald Trump’s Conspiracy theories into one overarching conspiracy theory that unifies them al. We call this the GUCT. Like the physics GUT, building a coherent GUCT is no easy task as DJT is expanding his collection of conspiracies on a regular basis, much like the expanding universe. But enough of bad analogies.
First, let’s start with Wikipedia’s list of Trumpian Conspiracy Theories (as of May 27)
As you can see, with 22 conspiracy theories to this is going to take a lot more work than theoretical physicists have with only 4 to integrate. If there ever is a Nobel Prize in this area, they need to at least consider my work.
We’ll fit as many as we can into the Grand Unified Conspiracy Theory. If you’re not familiar with them, please look them up. They’re pretty well documented individually, but here’s the first place you’ll see them all tied together.
The most recent theory is the death of an aide to Joe Scarborough. Let’s start with that. In the GUCT, Lisa Klausutis was murdered in July 2001 by Joe or his agents because she was going to spill the beans on Barak Obama’s Kenyan Birth. The Clintons, already planning Hilary’s run for the presidency, needed Barak as a gateway for Hilary, so they began the string of 34 murders that comprise the Clinton Body Count. The Clintons knocked off Vince Foster because he was going to expose the Klausutis murder and had to be quickly removed. Years later, Seth Rich, was also knocked off, but for different reasons we’ll soon get to.
And you’re not surprised, of course, about the so-called suicide of Jeffery Epstein. The real coroner’s report shows that Epstein was the first US victim of the coronavirus. He got it in Wuhan when he visited the city on a business trip to see what carcinogen the Chinese were putting in the windmills they exported to the Ukraine, so they wouldn’t depend on Russian oil. By the way, this is the same lab that created the COVID-19 virus. The Russians use the revenue from these oil sales to the Ukraine to finance their activities to prop up Assad in Syria. Without this aid, ISIS would take over the country and flood the US with Syrian refugees, acting as a Trojan Horse infiltration and eventual Shariah law in the country. Barak Obama, born in Kenya to a Muslim father aided and abetted this while President of the US. Seth Rich, when working for the Democratic National Committee, had proof of this and was on his way to share the documents with Wikileaks, so Hilary added him to the Clinton Body Count. Jeffrey Epstein was also a prime player in the pedophile ring operating out of Comet Pizza in Northwest DC, not far from Seth Rich’s apartment.
The terrorist organization Greenpeace was wiretapping Trump’s apartment in the Trump Tower because they knew Donald Trump knew the truth about the fake climate change story they were spreading. In particular, Greenpeace exaggerated the number of victims of Hurricane Maria to bolster their point. Trump also has a plan to eliminate the so called global warming by installing exterior air conditioning at Mar-a-Lago as well as his fabulously successful resorts in Ireland and Scotland. This is documented at the reliable Q-Anon site which has exposed many other secrets of both the deep state and its even shadier branch, the deap state. The deap state is run by evil liberals who have multiple personality disorder brought on by autism they got from the MMR vaccine. In addition, they all suffered from Measles, Mumps, and Rubella. Because of their multiple personality disorder, they registered to vote hundreds of time with each of their personalities. If you subtracted off their bogus votes, Trump would have doubled Hillary’s popular vote.
This is borne out by the Spygate episode in which the DNC planted a spy in the Trump Campaign appartaus. We know this because he misspelled the campaign tag line America First as America Furst. Mark Furst owns a well know bakery just down the street from Comet Pizza called Bread Furst. His sister was a former owner of the left wing Politics and Prose bookstore, just a few doors away from Comet Pizza. It was from Bread Furst that the surveillance of Michael Flynn began. His Russian handler loved Furst’s dark pumpernickel bread. He was heard saying, that it was so good, he sent loaves of it back to Putin in the diplomatic bag because nothing in Moscow compared, not even Maria Butina’s.
Of course, the story’s not over. There will be more conspiracies that require integration. For example, our team is looking at the massive vote fraud that will occur in next presidential election and the role of antifa in the current Black Lives Matter movement. Isn’t antifa an anagram of Fatian, a chinese Buddhist monk? A coincidence? We think not!