In a shocking new twist to an already twisted career, Portuguese football star Cristiano Ronaldo is rumored to sign with Slobodka in the Lithuanian 2nd Division.
Ronaldo said “My relatives of Lithuanian descent always remembered Slobodka as a great place and I have decided to end my career there. Yes, the team is not doing well at the moment, having lost all its games by at least 3 goals and having yet to score this season. I’m hoping that I can give a little boost to the lads and turn this thing around.”
Although among the highest paid players in football, Ronaldo is playing for Slobodka without a salary. “It’s the least I can do for memory of my great-great uncle Moishe, a star for the team prior to the Second World War.”