Check our new amazing offer at the end of this post!
It was there, sitting in front of us in plain view and we didn’t see it until now. Below you’ll find the solution to the mess into which the Brits have placed themselves.
Both the American colonies of the UK in the 1770s and the UK in the 2010s feel undue and unbearable pressure from over the water. Bureaucrats and autocrats from distant places who understand nothing of the culture of their subjugated masses impose unreasonable demands that infringe on the sovereignty of the colonies in the 1770s and the UK presently. Both countries feel pressure from aliens, the Native Americans in the 1770s and the UK with its invasion of people who actually do the work. (I know the Native Americans were in the Western Hemisphere first, but their ways are alien to the culture of the colonists some 250 years ago.)
Let’s undo the more than 250 year separation between the UK and its American colonies, now the United States. There is thought to be a “special relationship” between the two countries. The UK invaded the US in the War of 1812 and burned down the White House, forcing Dolly Madison to flee to some awful place in Virginia. The US, in return bailed out the Brits in two world wars.
There would be cultural differences to overcome.
The Brits
The Yanks
Our brilliant solution is to incorporate the UK counties into new states of the US. Some of the smaller ones would need to amalgamated. For example, Devon and Cornwall would joined into a new entity, the Not-West Country. Much of Scotland north of Edinburgh and Glasgow could become the state of Whiskey. Or the Scots could choose to stay in Europe and not join the US, although for centuries the Scots have exported their unemployment to the US and the UK. We would need to rethink this.
The Tories would be absorbed into the Republican Party. Laborites would become Democrats. The House of Lords, sad to say, would need to be abolished or at the very least have a minimum wealth requirement of a few billion dollars. Rich Americans would be eligible for the Lords.
We would have some naming confusion which we could easily correct. For example, Hampshire could become The Original Hampshire. The city of York, England could become Old York, to distinguish it from York, Pennsylvania and New York, NY.
The Royals. What to do with them? We start by giving Elizabeth a golden parachute and making Meghan Markle the new Queen.
There are other obstacles, but these all seem more tractable than the Brexit problems.
Theresa May and Boris Johnson. Sorry, they’re not part of the deal. Maybe they can retire to the South of France.
NEWS FLASH
The Brits seem to be having trouble placing Prince Harry and his bride Meghan, Duchess of Sussex. How about this idea? We’ll take them here in the colonies, possibly in Kensington MD, which is kinda like Kensington Palace in London. WAIT. There’s more. We’ll take Theresa May and Boris Johnson. In return, you can have Donald Trump, Mike Pence and the little Trumpets and Trumpets in-law.