A while back the Bozosphere broke the story behind the story, the real story of the deal Kevin McCarthy made to become Speaker of the House. You may have read other interpretations of the deal he made, but the Bozosphere got the real poop on the matter. And poop it was.
We suggest you read (or reread) the original post, as this follow-up story assumes you are aware of Kevin’s deal as we reported on January 2, 2023.
Here’s a link to our block busting scoop.
Here’s what happened just last week.
It is a late night in Kevin McCarthy’s home office. He’s seated in front of a computer with a spreadsheet visible on the monitor. Kevin is wearing a MAGA hat, a DeSantis sweatshirt and has T shirts on the desk from several other GOP wannabes.
Suddenly there is a flash of light, a puff of smoke, and a smell of sulfur. In the corner of the room, there is a man dressed in a black suit, black shirt, black tie, and black shoes. His face is covered in darkness. Kevin looks over at him and his face turns pale, his hands start shaking and Kevin emits a long, low pathetic moan.
Kevin: Oh no, not you. I thought we had a deal.
Devil: We did or maybe do have a deal, but I just happen to have a transcript of our last meeting and we’ll need to think about this.
Kevin: What do you mean by a transcript? I thought that this was an off-the-record meeting.
Devil: Where did you get that idea? I don’t see anything like that in the transcript. In any case, I have perfect recall, so the transcript is just to help you remember what we agreed to. Didn’t I warn you about butt kissing? Did you heed my warning? What kind of idiot makes the kind of deal you made with Matt Gaetz? It’s like giving guns to children. Speaking of which, didn’t you learn anything from that incident in Virginia where a 6 year old shot his teacher?
And here’s what happened this week.
It is a late night in Kevin McCarthy’s home office. He’s sitting along with a large drink in his hand. From his facial expression and body language, it’s clear he is not happy.
Suddenly there is a flash of light, a puff of smoke, and a smell of sulfur. In the corner of the room, there is a man dressed in a black suit, black shirt, black tie, and black shoes. His face is covered in darkness. When Kevin realizes who it is, he gives a shout.
Kevin: What happened to our deal? You promised me 6 years in return for my soul. OK, I know I shouldn’t have trusted Gaetz, but didn’t I cut a deal with the Dems to prevent a shutdown? Isn’t that worth something?
Devil: Kevin, I can protect you from others, but even I have trouble protecting you from yourself. Yes, keeping the government up and running is worthy of some admiration and it does mean that your legacy is not devoid of some commendable acts. But, Kevin, you sold your soul and that trumps the one good act you managed during your role as speaker.
Kevin: But what am I going to do now? Just sit back and be an ordinary member of the House? I can’t see Jim Jordan giving me anything interesting.
Devil: Kevin, didn’t you start your business career selling sandwiches in your uncle’s yogurt store? That is a perfectly honorable profession. It’s certainly more honorable than other actions in your career, like kissing Donald Trump’s butt on many occasions.