You may think that we at the Bozosphere are a bunch of lazy bums who just go out for coffee in the morning, have lunch with our pals, nap in the afternoon, grab dinner somewhere and watch TV the rest of the day.
Nothing could be further from the truth. We work on a variety of project without much fanfare and thought it might be time to make some of the project list public.
Improving Laundry
While doing mountains of laundry in a house with four adults, one two year old and a newborn, it came to us that we need to work on a single machine that washes, dries, and folds laundry. If robots can build cars, laundry folding should be an easy. Using recent AI tools, it might even sort the folded laundry into piles for each person’s clothing.
Improving Submarine Ventilation
It gets hot and stuffy on submarines and the air gets stale quite easily even with the best air circulation systems. Remember in the old days before air conditioning became common in homes, we would open the doors and windows. But we got too many bugs in the house that way, so we used screens for the doors and windows. We here at the Bozosphere Labs have been experimenting with screen doors for submarines. We haven’t quite got the method down yet and may abandon the project. “Nothing ventured, nothing gained.” as the old saying goes.
Revising one of Presser’s Laws
While you may not know it as such, one of Presser’s Laws deals with the urge to use the toilet. Put simply, Presser’s Law states that the closer you get to the toilet, the greater the urge to use it. This is especially true of long car trips on the highway where rest areas are far apart. Put mathematically: U = k/d2 where U is the urge, d is the distance to the toilet, and k is a constant that varies from person to person. The superscript 2 means that as you approach the toilet, the urge is four times as great every time you halve the distance. This is known as an inverse square law. While the law has not yet become widely known, we’re preparing a paper for peer review in the IJM, the International Journal of Mishegas.
We here are Bozosphere Labs are trying physical, chemical, psychological and spiritual techniques to alter the law to U = k/d, meaning that as you halved the distance to the toilet, the urge to use it would double, not increase by a factor of four. We’ll keep you informed as to our progress.
Solving the Falling Bread Problem
We’re sure you’re aware that when a buttered slice of bread falls, it almost always falls with the buttered side down. Early experiments have indicated that this is due to the extra weight on the buttered side adding some small amount of torque, causing a slice that was falling with the buttered side up to flip in mid-air. We at Bozosphere Labs are working on bread that is guaranteed to fall buttered side up with no human intervention. We cannot go into detail at this time but expect a major announcement real soon.
A reader recently inquired about our progress on the Falling Bread Problem. We’ve been working with anti-matter butter and we think we’re onto something, but need to work out some troublesome issues.